Oh Wow...That's Hilarious

Okay, so there has been a couple of stories and comments made by my kids that have had me cracking up lately. I decided that I had better document them so I don't forget them.

Story #1


So I am swimming with the kids at the in-laws and having a great time. Megan asks: "Dad, what does BFFFM stand for?"
"I don't know Meg, what?"
Best Friends For Five Minutes!"
This guessing game continues with Megan only changing the time duration, super sneaky I know. Finally she says: "Dad, what does BFFFMNFAOMTY stand for?"
"What the heck! I have no idea! What does BFFFMNFAOMTY stand for?"
"I can't tell you dad."
"Tell me Megan or your walking home."
"Its a secret between Kayla D (Megs best friend) and me. If I tell you then she won't be my friend anymore. If she isn't my friend any more then we wont go to college together and be roommates, then we wont go on a mission together (Kayla D is not a member of our church; but very positive thinking on Megs part) and be partners together. Besides its a secret language between us friends."
"Oh so you are speaking IDIOT."
"No dad, I am not from ITALY."

Story #2



So Myles' Sunbeam class can best be described as an extremely testosterone filled class with a little side order of estrogen. Examples include a love triangle, several lengthy "discussions" about poop, celebratory fist pumps when something is awesome, and the need to separate the group into two intentionally divided classes supervised by two parents in each class. That's the background...here's the story.
Today Myles decided that his fingers were machine guns (typical), and that the Primary presidency were enemy combatants (typical). He decided to execute his blitzkrieg attack during sharing time with loud machine gun fire directed at the music instructor (the mom of another boy in his class) (not typical, kinda new). Jenny stopped him and threatened his life and said she might have to sit by him. He decided that since his position had been compromised by his loud machine gun, it was no longer the effective weapon of choice, so he silenced it. Now the gun fire was quiet whispers. Jenny stops him again and moves next to him and says "Either put your gun away or I am going to take it away!" Myles looks at her, puts his hands (GUN) in his pockets and sits quietly for a few minutes. Then he rearms himself with pistols and continues his slaughter of innocent primary leaders, occasionally turning around and in sighting riots and support from his fellow insurgents in his class. Jenny grabs Myles and says, "Give me that gun!"
"Okay mom." he puts his gun shaped hand on hers and opens his fingers, then takes his hand back to his lap and sits quietly for about 1 minute. Then, his little hand makes its way back into his pocket and is transformed miraculously into another firearm for him to continue his mass genocide. This is repeated about 5-6 more times with Jenny taking every gun he could create. Finally a simple wiggle song was sung and his attention was grasped. Little Punk!

Story #3


So Swimming with the kids at the in-laws, same day as Megan's story, playing, splashing, dunking, throwing, and all around enjoying each others company. I start talking to Courtney and then notice something on her forehead. It's the multiplication "X"!
"Courtney, what is on your forehead?"
"Oh, Kimberly (our neighbor/good friend) has one of those vacuum bag pumps, so I put it on my forehead and pumped it. Kim told me not to, but I did it anyway."
"Did the end look like a plus sign?"
"Yeah, I know I got bruised."
"No Court, you have a hickey."